he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Be still, my beating vagina.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
