Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
last night I used snow as a chaser
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
