He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
