My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
