What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
