Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
