In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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