I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
We are all done wearing pants today
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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