he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
