I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
