i don't like sucking hair
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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