i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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