There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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