i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
