If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
