Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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