is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
