just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
