i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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