they need to just BURY HIM!
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
