They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
