oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
