we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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