I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Randomize
