What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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