i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm getting married
To pizza
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
