Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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