Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Sacagawea was the original milf.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Randomize
