Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Every concussion has its silver lining
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
