Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
