dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize