I wanna bring you to show and tell
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
