there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
