The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
