she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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