so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Randomize
