You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
