just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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