his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
