Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
