so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
