My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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