i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
