Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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