His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Randomize
