Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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