I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
