I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
