i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
what day is it and did you see me today?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
