So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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