even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
