i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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