Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize