It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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