We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
