remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
