ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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