My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize