Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
