one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
