how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Randomize
