I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Just fell off a train. Bad.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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