Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
