I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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