You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
