Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
