I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
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