im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
