that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
This baby is an asshole
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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