So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
